‘Ooh, Ms is it?' says my pal, as if this term is in some way fancy, or an
unusual one for women in their late twenties to be using.
‘Well… yeah,’ we chorus, somewhat bemused -
then our paths diverge somewhat.
‘I mean, I'm not twelve,’ I scoff, whilst
my sister is exclaiming ‘why the hell should I be defined by my relationship
status? My boyfriend isn't.’
On balance hers is probably the more
persuasive argument, although I think mine is valid. I associate the ‘Miss’
moniker with youth, lack of life experience… innocence, I guess. That or the
confirmed spinsterhood of unmarried ladies before 1950, when being single
supposedly meant there was something wrong with you. I am not a kid
anymore, and as it happens I’m not single (although there are occasional FIFA
filled afternoons where a halcyon pre-war existence of cats, gin and cardigans
starts to look pretty good), so ‘Miss’ feels like it has nothing to do with
me.
To be honest it never crossed my mind that
some of my friends might not feel the same – I made the apparently baseless
assumption that everyone in my peer group was probably Ms (or Dr) by the time
they finished university.*
This has not shattered my worldview, but it
did make me think - not least because of the looks we got for thinking this was
important. I mean, I know it isn't going to solve world hunger, but
symbolically I think the difference between Ms and Miss says a lot.
One of the main arguments in favour of Ms
is gender equality – that it is a female equivalent of Mr that does not reveal
anything about our relationship status. Miss, meanwhile, automatically
tells people of your unmarried status, which is irrelevant in most situations
and is not the same for men. There again, maybe you are looking for a
relationship and want to be able to confirm your availability by casually
waving your post in front of them (a red bill for Miss George? Ding dong),
rather than flirting, or whatever it is people do at Da Club nowadays.
I actually think that as far as titles are
concerned, if you want proper gender equality then men and women ought to have
the same one. Except that would render all of them - Ms, Miss, Mrs and Mr
- obsolete, so really no title at all is the more elegant solution.
Elegant, but wildly impractical – that
solution can’t be implemented overnight. If we suddenly stopped using
titles, electronic databases the world over would collapse. You have to
fill in the ‘title’ box in this job application / bank form / tax form, says
the (newly anthropomorphised) system. If you don’t, I will be forced to
give you a red error message saying ‘information provided is incomplete.’
Also I will die of malnutrition, for the contents of the title box – all that
tasty information on your gender and relationship status - is what sustains
me.
All of which means that at some point,
you’re going to be asked which one you are and sorted into a marketing category
that involves gin (Miss), washing up liquid (Mrs) or lesbian ham (Ms)
whether you like it or not.
Unless you're a man, of course.**
*Yes, much of my peer group completed
further education – in case the title of the blog and content of previous
articles hadn’t given away the fact I am white and middle class.
** As we all know, in marketing terms a
'Mr' is into football, boobs and probably curry.
