Scene One
Our kitchen. Flatmate is making tea, I am re-lacing a shoe. Enter Unusual Handyman.
Our kitchen. Flatmate is making tea, I am re-lacing a shoe. Enter Unusual Handyman.
Unusual Handyman: [in an accent so impenetrable even he probably doesn’t know what it is] mmmphgarnyaddyblah locked door flumedeygramphleyumyumnoodley foolmumumumbleyjellybibbles BURN TAE DEATH, ken?
Me: ….Okay.
Exit unusual handyman.
Me: What did he say?
Flatmate: I don’t think even he knows that.
Various mumbling can be heard offstage as we drink our tea in bemused silence.
Enter unusual handyman.
UH: Yumblenblah back tomorrow mimble light fitting yumptymmfacks aff the wa’ [gestures offstage in the direction of my room] bobbityboo dangerous! Veryfastincomprehensiblesomethingorother I got tae be here somethingelsemmhmm.
Me: You’ve got to be here?
UH: [in a voice laced with mysterious hidden subtext] I’m authorised to be here.
Everyone exits.
Scene Two
My room. The light switch, which previously fulfilled all the requirements one might reasonably expect of a light switch, is now hanging dangerously from the wall.
Flatmate: [calling from offstage in the hall] So, is the light fitting off?My room. The light switch, which previously fulfilled all the requirements one might reasonably expect of a light switch, is now hanging dangerously from the wall.
Me: [disbelieving] ...... Yes. Yes it is.
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