Twitter

Today I want to talk to you about Twitter; or more specifically, hashtags (#).

On Twitter, hashtags help people who are all tweeting about the same thing to find other tweets about the same thing.

So, if you're watching something on TV and also tweeting about it (which is the main function of the site if you’re a comedian or arts journalist) you can put a hashtag at the end of your message, which then automatically becomes a link. Click on said link, and it takes you to a list of all the other tweets on the subject.

When loads of people are using the same hashtag to talk about something it becomes a trending topic, which means Twitter features it on the right hand side of the page. This can wind up being a funny mix of things, because people use the hashtag in a variety of ways.

- One way is to break or gather news stories. Today STV Edinburgh started the #whyedinburghrocks tag so they could put together a list of reasons using Storify.

- It can also be used to ask questions – the BBC are quite good at this, and often tell listeners or viewers a hashtag to use at the start of a programme so you can discuss it online. Similarly, this weekend I am doing an online Q&A with The Edinburgh Reporter about 12 books, where people can submit a question via Twitter using the tag #askaligeorge.

- You can also use hashtags to connect with other people of similar interests. When I tweet about the 12 books project I quite often use the #amwriting tag so other writers know it's a post that might be interesting for them. Similarly anyone attending the West Port Book Festival in Edinburgh over the next four days can use the hashtag #wpbf11 to find out what events are going on and what other punters will be at them.

- Another popular use is to play games (a recent favourite of mine was #hiphopgroceries - Will.I.Ham, for instance. Twitter is full of people who are overly fond of punning.)

- And some people use it to share advice. For example, at lunchtime today, one of the top trends was #arealboyfriend – aimed at facilitating discussion as to the best way a boyfriend can behave towards his partner. Some of these made me laugh a lot, although I fear that was not necessarily the intent.

I made a list of my highlights, anyway.

#arealboyfriend chase after you when you walk away
- That could be a boyfriend, or it could be a total stranger with mugging in mind. Just saying, boyfriends aren't the only people that give chase.

#arealboyfriend doesn't annoy you and make you cry.
- Duh, yes he does. If he never annoys you then you either don’t care/notice what he does, or you’re a robot, or you’re deluding yourself. A good boyfriend likely doesn’t do these things on purpose, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t do them at all.

#ARealBoyfriend sees the pain in your eyes, while everyone else believes the smile on your face.
- This was from a man whose profile said he respecks females. I think he may be trying too hard. That or I have no soul.

#arealboyfriend kisses you on the forehead.
- So does your mum.

#arealboyfriend will give up his hoes !
- And other gardening equipment, the bastard.

#ARealBoyfriend will finger u ont bus
- LOL. How inappropriate.

#arealboyfriend plays an important role in the ecosystem as a pollinator, with larva considered problematic to vegetation in agriculture.
- Science wins again.

Bon Voyage

We have a tradition in my house, which is that every so often, we watch all the Lord of the Rings films and play a drinking game at the same time. The 'we' in this scenario is me, my sister and our best mate. Other people have come and gone since the first one in 2003, but we are the staple members of this mature and responsible group. Yesterday, we did it to bid farewell to my sister, who is going travelling for a couple of months. I recorded it for posterity.

16.03 - Drink to elven superiority and kingly politics! Come on guys, Bee's going to Paraguay! She's going to be the richest person there!

16.24 - Bee: "did they even consider anyone else for Gandalf?" / Ceri: "Christopher Lee wanted to do it but he's too far typecast."

16.30 - how many things from these films do you say on an almost daily basis?
- "Keep it secret, keep it safe!"
- "Fool of a Took!"
- "You shall not pass!"
- "... But it is not this day!"

16.35 - Gandalf: A LITTLE LATE TO BE TRIMMING A VERGE ISN'T IT? / Bee: Well, I'm drinking to that.

16.44 - this would have been a very different film if Ray Liotta was king of the Nazgul. Lord of the Rings meets Wild Hogs...

17.00 - OMG, Frodo, what an idiot. The ringwraiths are out in force and he just gets out the thing they're looking for and holds it up in the air! / Ceri: Sam would never do that. He'd swallow it. Shit it out when they get to Mordor.

17.14 - Bee: I want my house to look like Rivendell.

17.20 - STILL SHARPE!!!!

17.25 - Long conversation about hotness of Boromir and Faramir. Ceri: "I would ruin Gondor."

17.34 - if you put the ring on a sausage, would it go invisible?

17.43- Aragorn: "make for the gap of Rohan." / Rose: "Who's she?" Fnar.

18.04 - Gandalf: "I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor." / Ceri: "father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife... / Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

18.22 - "Well, the funniest armpit hair I've ever seen..." This is going to be a good story.

18.35 - As Boromir lies dying, Rose: Aw you're fine! Man up! / Bee: Don't you ever say that to Boromir.

18.49 - Two Towers time, woo hoo!

19.02 - drink for "man flesh"!

19.21 - Rose: "When I try to put 'McDonalds' into my phone, predictive text changes it to 'madnockers'... Ooh, trees! My dad looks like that tree. When he has a beard."

19.34 - Ceri: "It [the mountain Gandalf fought the Balrog on] looks like trifle. I hate trifle."

20.09 - Ceri: "I can't get through Helm's Deep without a Bumrod." (affectionate nickname for local takeaway)

21.04 - Takeaway time, woo!

21.25 - Shot for the ents fighting back!

21.26 - Troop discovers she has been drinking 9% wine - she has been wasting her time! If it's less than 12 there's no point..

21.34 - Ceri: "We'll need to have a drink for Shelob. Even though I don't... approve. Mainly because she's a spider."

22.10 - OMG FIGWIT IS IN THIS ONE AFTER ALL! SHOT!

22.30 - Captain Tact is watching MOTD on his computer on silent. Poor.

22.38 - In-depth conversation re the derivation of phrase "how d'you like them apples?"

22.39 - is the Boston accent nice?

22.41 - Michael suggests Faramir is better than Boromir. Debate ensues.

22.55 - Michael confuses Stuart Townsend with Stuart Cosgrove.

23.19 - Michael: "but Sean Bean is troubled - women don't like that, do they?"

23.21 - Rose: "it's the big spider... Sheila!" / Captain Tact/Bee: "For ladies who insure their cars, Shelob's wheels are superstars.."

23.42 - Denethor just got roundhouse kicked by a horse! Shot!

23.50 - LET'S ADD A SHOT FOR "I AM NO MAN!"

23.59 - The Rolling Stones are alright, but not amazing..

00.06 - Michael: "British trampolines for British people! Coming over here, taking our bounces. [pause] that wee bit of ironic racism's taken it out of me. I don't know how real racists keep it up."

00.21 - The ring is melting!

00.23 - As the tower of Barad-Dur collapses, Ceri: "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS IN POLTERGEIST!"

00.29 - Gimli! Let's drink to Gimli!

00.31 - no more things to drink to.. BUT SO MUCH MORE FILM!

00.31 - Ceri: "Aragorn, that hat makes you look like a silver knob." / Bee: "that's a crown."

00.37 - Frodo is so jealous of Rosie. She should watch her back.

00.40 - Bee: "HAVE YOU DRUNK TO ENDING FIVE? DRINK TO ENDING FIVE!"

00.46 - Ceri: "IT'S LIKE STAND BY ME!" / Bee: "Cause river Phoenix dies?" / Ceri: "yes! Then the other two fade into obscurity and it's sad."

00.47 - Ending number six... Ceri: "Oh Rosie. That's an ugly baby. [pause] And I don't think it's right to have that much greenery."

Have a lovely time in Paraguay and Canada, Bee!