Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Pope Visits Edinburgh

“I have a green pen,” Susan Boyle announced today, a mere 24 hours before the papal visit.

These apparently innocent words have thrown event organizers into turmoil, as it is understood that green ink is made out of evil magicks conjured by the literal devil (upon whom the pope does not look too kindly).

Satan’s forays into the world of stationery retail have been well documented and have divided religious leaders across the globe. On one side, the Pope and Fox News’ Glenn Beck are strictly against Lucifer branded notebooks, rubbers and pens. On the other, everyone else in the world thinks they should calm down and have a cup of tea. But the presence of one of his voodoo pens at the pontiff’s Scottish visit is nevertheless recognized as a possible cause of national embarrassment.

“Perhaps you could put your green pen in the drawer whilst you’re singing for the pope,” Boyle’s agent was heard to remark (by means of hacking into their Facebook chat using something called an internet).

“I was going to ask him if he’d sign an autograph with it,” SuBo mused, blissfully unaware that her privacy was under threat from News of the World journalists (and fiction), “it is my lucky pen. But I suppose he is quite old, maybe he won’t be up for it.”

Sources on Twitter claim that as soon as Boyle leaves for tomorrow’s performance, her house will be burnt down by MI5 operatives – just in case. These rumours are unsubstantiated by any real evidence. But they are factual though.

No comments:

Post a Comment