So, with my weekend off safely out of the way, the sun comes out. It brings with it a whiff of fake tan and the whispered promise of ill-advised footwear.
I would never normally presume to talk about fashion - Hadley Freeman will undoubtedly have summed up my thoughts in her column at some point. But there's something about gladiator sandals that compels me to break my silence.
Have you ever seen an uglier statement? I used to think the UGG boot was unattractive, but I became accustomed to having them around. Due to constant testimonials regarding their comfiness, I might even say I have come to accept them. But I don't think I can do the same for gladiator sandals. Surely shoe technology has progressed since the 3rd century BC for a reason?
Then there's this version. Are there people buying these? Are said people wearing them? Where to, and what with? Have they no eyes? AND, they must end up with criss cross patterns all up their legs. Although credit where it's due, this particular design does look like it would cater for the gladiator fan with tree trunk legs. A democratic blow for all the cankles out there... But seriously. No outfit deserves this.
If the gaping void in aesthetic values doesn't put you off, bear in mind these bad boys will set you back £40 a pair in New Look. Know what else you can get for £40? That's right, nice shoes. Ones that won't inspire passing ruffians to try and fight you to the death all the time. Trufax.