It's Saturday night, so I'm taking a break from a mammoth catch up on 12 Books in 12 Months (7661 words written today) to watch River City. Such a party animal has never been seen.
In this episode, Gina wants sour faced daughter Jo to organise a fashion show to keep ovarian cancer in the public eye on Montego Street. This, she confesses, is mainly because she was absent for last week's fundraising spectacular, presumably because she was busy ensuring that her other daughter (Mad Ruth - who I just read is meant to have borderline personality disorder, so now I feel a bit bad for slaggin') was safely under lock and key in a psychiatric unit somewhere. Maybe she's hoping that all the excitement will make Scarlett faint again - her family's misery just isn't getting enough screen time at the moment.
Meanwhile Nicole is having a birthday perty, but her ex best friend Carmen has turned all twelve of her mates against her so nobody turns up... except her deeply annoying boyfriend, who wants to get it awn because they have an empty house. Rather unexpectedly Nicole holds her ground on the fact she says she isn't ready for sexy times yet, but in typical soap style her folks (Dr Brodie and Leyla) get home right at the point she is pushing him and his cheap bottle of cider out the door. To them it looks like she is taking the cider from him and planning to get jiggy - they assume she never invited any other guests at all. That, my friends, is irony.
Elsewhere Gabriel urges Jo to let people help her with the fashion show, but her aversion to Amber means she won't go to her for help... This is relevant because Amber owns the only clothes shop in Shieldinch, although god only knows how she makes a living because all I've ever seen her sell is one shirt. Anyhoo, Gabriel goes to Amber himself and sends her to the pub where the most unrealistic journo in the world is telling Jo that whilst it's a nice idea, they gave cancer loads of coverage last week and her pissy little fashion show will interest NO-ONE. Honestly, who does she think she's kidding? Clearly never read a local paper. They print literally everything.
Upstairs, Jimmy hangs round Rrrraymond's toilet failing to cope with Scarlett's illness, whilst she is back at hame asking her mum and sister to help her end it all if things get too much. That's the cancer, not just life in general. Because Scarlett has ovarian cancer - I don't know if you knew that. But she does. When Jimmy finds out (they always find out, on TV) he's not upset by the prospect of euthanasia, but by the fact she didn't ask him to do it, and romantically promises to be there until the last breath is squeezed out of their relationship. Aww.
Oh, but before that he beats up a kid (Nicole's no good boyfriend, actually) for taking the piss out of Scarlett's wig. Said kid then dumps Nicole on the grounds of her parents giving him a bollocking, telling her "she's not worth this amount of hassle." What a charmer. Rather than notice she's well shot of the spotty prick, Nicole proceeds to the basket ball court where she first saw him to bawl her eyes out against a fence. Adolescence is a complicated time.
I couldn't help noticing, though, that for the second week in a row there was no comic relief. I know cancer is srs bsns, River City, but I have come to expect comedy subplots either from Robbie the Big Gay Hairdresser or Annie the Bubbly Barmaid (who still doesn't have a character profile on the website). Sort it out, guys. This is my Saturday night you're messing with.